Rules before you give anyone a lift

By Stella Riunga

Sunday April 7, 2019


My neighbours are often surprised when they offer me a lift to work and I ask them to kindly drop me at the bus stop, about five-minute walk from my door. For me, there is nothing worse than a lift half-way to work. My office does not move on a regular basis to meet me halfway.

And then I have to go through the whole palaver of boarding a matatu halfway through my commute instead of doing it at the beginning. That might make it sound like I am demanding and ungrateful but brethren, if you are being generous, then be generous, not halfway so. Here are a few rules for those of you who regularly offer lifts to their car-less friends and neighbours, with the hope of increasing the bonds of love and neighbourliness.

Rule no.1: Do not invite someone into a dirty car
Have you ever sat in someone’s car and watched a cockroach quickly scuttle under the seat when you enter? Disgusting! Car owners, your car is not a wardrobe, neither is it a pantry or a back-up refrigerator. As for those who go to the gym and leave their smelly things unwashed for days in the gym bag—Banange! Keep your lift!

Rule no.2: Do not insist on conversation

In the mornings, I like to look out of the window, think in peace and enjoy God’s new day. If you give someone a lift, please do not use it as an opportunity to practise your oratory skills for your future political career. Please, silence is a gift, donate it generously to others.

Rule no.3: Keep your wolf-like tendencies to yourself
If you are the type of man who often gives attractive, single women lifts, this does not give you the permission to enquire after their marital status, romantic history or comment on their physical attributes. When she woke up in the morning, she knew she was beautiful. When she was getting dressed, she was aware that she had striking eyes.

Her mother noticed she had dimples and hips long before you ever did. Let us not even get into the ‘Wandering hands syndrome’ which will definitely earn you a well-deserved dirty slap and a knife pointed at your nether regions. Which you can easily avoid by not being a lecherous fool. There now, that is not too difficult to do, is it? Be generous this week!